Faking It

When I'm a cashier at work I have to ask every customer if they have a rewards card. If not, I'm supposed to convince them to apply for one so that they can save ten percent. Whenever someone gets a card I get a credit and am able to choose a really exciting prize! ha. It's just strongly suggested everyone sell one on their shift.

I've convinced more people to apply lately because I've perfected the technique. I smile a lot and I say "How are y'all doin'?" if there are multiple people present. This ups my charm factor and makes the consumer more vulnerable.

Last night I contemplated my approach and thought about just how much I really fake stuff. Like every woman on earth, I've faked an orgasm. When I'm with my grandparents I play up my angel child role, the college girl who never parties. I fake enthusiasm when I'm in an inane conversation.

A more extreme example of faking it was Monday night, when I hung out with my friend Mike. I hadn't seen him in a long time, so when he suggested getting drunk and watching scary movies I was down. But when he asked me if I wanted to make out later that night, I said yes even though I didn't want to. I was bored and he was there. I'm just glad that the next day he clarified that we're just friends.

 I'm just disgusted with myself sometimes. The number of guys I've had MEANINGFUL experience with...well there's just three. With everyone else, there was substances, revenge, convenience, or boredom in the picture. What's wrong with me?

My new year's resolution: to be more real, and true to myself (whomever that may be).