I Talk About Myself

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

This quote is on the wall at my school's counseling center. When I was in the waiting room earlier today, it caught my eye and I mulled this thought over. It's so true; I believe when you "find yourself" you reach your ultimate happiness.

I have yet to achieve this, but that isn't what brought me to therapy. I signed up at the end of last semester when I realized that I've been too dependent on guys and I'm still affected by first breakup. Throw in family issues and the general stress of being an independent college student and you have one drained individual.

I know I haven't had it that bad compared to a lot of people. I don't have cancer and I'm not a victim of physical abuse. But like my therapist and I discussed today, sometimes trauma is harder when you can't put a label on it. That's the case with my stepdad. My family and I live in fear of his temper and violent tendencies. Moving out has put me at ease, but I still worry about the rest of my family. My mom refuses to leave him, and it's really upsetting. It's not my relationship though, and I have to accept that eventually they will fix or terminate it.

My own relationships obviously need work, which is why I'm determined to stay single for a while. I'm glad that therapy will give me the opportunity to do some self exploration. I'll examine why I make the choices I do, and what I have to change or just accept.

I'm not a religious person, but this prayer really speaks to me at this time in my life.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.